Do you have a family member who just seems to do well in life that they become the family’s standard of achievement? You will constantly hear their name being brought up in conversations and sway the topic about you comparing you to them.
The talk can go like, “Cousin A is doing so well in her job right now! They just switched jobs and got a promotion very quickly. How about you? We only hear you talk about how draining it is. You should be like Cousin A, you know.”
Or, “Cousin B is top-performing in their class and they did that without tutoring. I spent so much money on your tutor classes and you’re not even part of the honor roll.”
Sometimes, it can even be about the family expectation for you to pursue the same career as they day. They can say, “You should become a doctor because your mom and dad are.” Sometimes, “You are the only one who took a BA course while the rest of your cousins are taking engineering or allied health courses.”
Their comments and comparison can be like a double edged sword. You ought to make them your inspiration to achieve even half of their accomplishment but since others make it like a competition, it can break you to a point where you can’t keep up with the standard.
Here are 5 ways to deal with family pressure of being “never enough” and stop the comparison treatment between the family.
1. Maintain A Close Relationship With The Family’s Standard
It can be easy to hate on them for being the standard but it is not their fault nor is it yours. By maintaining a close relationship with them, you make yourself comfortable with their achievements and celebrate it as well without comparing your wins to theirs.
They can even become your number 1 supporter too. It might make you feel good to form an ally in the family rather than a competition. With that in your life, you feel good improving in areas you care about without the pressure to compete.
2. Celebrate Your Own Achievements
This is not because you want them to feel bad about not supporting you. Instead, you want to find happiness in being yourself and valuing what you have achieved so you don’t end up burnt out and hating your family. Hatred can take up so much of your energy and you want to steer this energy for your greater good.
Your self-worth is not determined by how many awards you were given throughout your academic journey nor was it the number of times you have been praised by your supervisor. Your self-worth won’t be diminished because you failed a subject or two nor will it vanish because you made a mistake at work.
If you feel proud with what you do, celebrate it. Buy yourself a warm meal or that nice sweater at the mall you imagine yourself being cozied up in. Just celebrate you for being happy and completing your task list for the day.
3. Be Kind To Yourself
As cliché as this sound, letting go of the pressure and being kind to yourself can ease up the toxicity that is your environment. It is okay to make mistakes or be a beginner. No need to be on a constant grind and forgetting about you in the present. You are doing your best.
Let go of the pressure and take time to rest when you need it. Do not be hard on yourself for not meeting everyone’s expectation of you or your expectation of yourself. Recognize your efforts and progress.
4. Engage In Creative Outlets
Even if you are taking a creative course or your work involves creativity, it would still help you find a creative outlet that will allow you to enjoy artistic pursuits minus the pressure to be perfect or the best.
Engage in activities like drawing at the park, writing or reading a new genre, learning how to play an instrument, knitting a sweater for a dear friend, joining a beginner dance class, playing a new sport, or enrolling yourself in a pottery class. This can provide a much-needed escape from stress and a way to express yourself freely.
5. Engage In Nature
Spend time being outdoors whether it is hiking or walking or simply people-watching at the park as this can calm you. The fresh air and natural surroundings can provide you with a mental break you deserve.
Make it a habit to spend time outside each day even if it is just a short walk around your neighborhood before or after your work. You can also book joiner tours for hiking or rock climbing, if you feel like being an adventurer today.
6. Plan Regular Self-Care Activities
Self-care is essential for maintaining your mental and physical health. Schedule regular activities that help you relax and recharge, whether it’s a massage, a bubble bath, or a quiet evening with a good book.
Prioritizing self-care can help you manage stress and prevent burnout, allowing you to stay focused and positive in your everyday life.
Living your life based on someone else’s expectation can be very misleading. You will not feel fulfilled even if you are top-achieving already. If you push yourself too hard, you run the risk of burning out. So, take a step back and forget about all the expectation and pressure, even if they’re from your family.
