Friendship breakup hurts the most especially when there was no fight involved but rather slowly losing connection with each other and eventually having a falling out. This type of breakup can be more painful and confusing because it lacks a clear reason or incident that caused the separation.
This friend might be someone you spent all your high school years together with, or someone you met during the pandemic when the world was a blur. It could be someone who was with you during a difficult time in your life or someone who you spent your college life with. This person could be the one you spend the whole time sitting in the corner during every party you attend or this could be who you dance all night during an event.
No matter who this person was to you, the distance they created between the two of you could be hard to handle. Here are 7 ways you can understand why your best friend cut you off and how you can handle this friendship breakup.
1. You Both Changed Or One Of Your Have Changed
The hardest thing to accept is that you were not the same people from years ago when you met and became close. It is true that people change and sometimes this change is not beneficial for the both of you.
Moreover, you cannot force someone to stay the same. That is to say that you cannot pretend that your friend is the same person you met years ago. That means that you cannot tell them to enjoy the same things as before just because you still enjoy it or you cannot drag them to other friend groups unlike when you were younger when it benefited both of you well.
This time, in the present, you are both living your own lives and sometimes this life is not anymore in line with the other. Maybe you are someone who is comfortable with your life and hate changes which is why you struggle with people changing. Hence, your friend’s decision to lose contact instead of discussing the matter which could cause conflict instead of a civil conclusion.
The only thing you can do to cope up with this is to accept what happened. It hurts to lose someone because you no longer are the same but do not feel guilty for looking for the friend they once were. You can miss them but you can never force them so best to accept.
2. You Outgrew Each Other
Friends who grew up together might have experienced outgrowing each other in a sense that each now has their own focus in life. For one of the friends, they might be still into partying and living life like a teenager and the other wants to be mature, focus on work, and settle down. These changes in priorities can cause friendships to drift apart.
Even if you’ve seen each other grow and went through numerous phases in life together, once priorities settle in, you’d have nothing in common anymore. It does not mean, however, that one must adjust to fit another’s priorities. Instead, this means giving each other the space each one needs to grow and the other to thrive.
When this happens, whether you are the friend who doesn’t want to grow up yet or the one ready to settle down, give your friend the respect they need and the assurance that when both priorities align, you still have each other’s back. You can message your friend about this realization and give the assurance. But do not stay silent and let the friendship grow apart.
3. They Are Going Through Something And Don’t Want To Burden Anyone
There are friends who cut off everyone without an exception because they are going through a difficult time in their life. They do this because they feel like sharing their problems to friends is only an added burden for them. This is especially true when that friend is also your confidant who knows all your problems.
Reach out to this friend because they may badly need you now and you don’t even know it. It would also hurt you to know that the person who opens their arms when you need them closes their doors when they are the one struggling. You don’t want to end up blaming yourself for not even peeking on their doors when they start to close it because of how clueless you were.
4. The Friendship Became Toxic
Friendships can also have love bombing where one friend uses it as a tool to hold over their friend. They will make sure to inform everyone that they’d “chosen” to befriend this person despite having multiple options. They will shower you with gifts and always constantly show up when you need them.
Later on, they will use this to manipulate you when things they don’t like happen. For example, when you cancel a movie date because of time conflict they will tell you they’d never canceled on you and even missed out on important events to spend time with you. This is a form of manipulation.
But, maybe, you were this person. Try to reflect on how you treated your friend—ask yourself if it was genuine or a way for you to take control over them.
If you did, try asking for forgiveness from your friend. It might be an unconscious coping mechanism for you but toxic for your friends.
5. You Did Or Said Something To Offend Them
The most common reason why friendships end in bitter terms is because of offensive actions or remarks. While it might seem to be an insignificant reason to cut off someone, it is a completely valid intention to do so. You might have said something to your friend or did something to offend them and you did not realize it.
When you realize you’ve offended a friend, it’s important to initiate a conversation to understand their feelings and offer a genuine apology. Often, friendships end because these offenses have been repeated or ignored over time, leading the offended party to prioritize their emotional well-being by ending the relationship. It can offer you both peace of mind and closure.
6. Your Views No Longer Aligned
This can become evident during significant periods like election seasons, where differing political beliefs can highlight fundamental differences between friends. As individuals evolve, their perspectives on social issues, values, and life goals may diverge, leading to a realization that their views no longer align.
When friends find themselves on opposite ends of important ideological debates or moral stances, it can strain the foundation of their relationship. Sometimes, these differences become insurmountable, prompting both parties to recognize that maintaining the friendship may no longer be fulfilling or feasible.
7. You No Longer Need Each Other In Your Lives
Friendships often form around mutual needs, whether emotional support during challenging times, shared interests, or companionship. As circumstances change and individuals grow, these needs may evolve or diminish.
Friends who once relied on each other for specific support or activities may find themselves drifting apart naturally as their lives take different paths. This doesn’t necessarily reflect a lack of care or appreciation for each other but rather a recognition that their current priorities and lifestyles no longer align.
Everyone thinks that friendships are forever. However, it is important that as people grow older, people change and when that time comes, not everything is meant to stay in the same phase or the same old routine.
There are friendships that are best during one phase in your life but most friendships just fade away. While it can hurt to think back and replay your old memories, you no longer can force a friendship that has already put a boundary between the past relationship and what happened in the present. You can grieve for lost friends but it is important to also respect the distance they created.
